Actonians Cricket Club


Actonians Cricket Club 4th XI v Old Isleworthians IV on Sat 26 Aug 2023 at 12.30pm
Actonians Cricket Club Won by 5 wickets

Match report At about 7:45 pm on Saturday 26 August 2023, Actonians CC 4th XI were confirmed as champions of MCCL Third Tier, Division 5B.

In one sense, this is all that matters; everything else is commentary. But to leave out the details that got us to that winning moment is to ignore the all-important factor across the most successful season in our short history. This is, of course, The Vibesä.

One could start the story of our championship-winning season at any number of points, but perhaps its most compelling genesis came from the church-and-state moment of two parallel WhatsApp groups emerging – one named Vibes XI, the freewheeling spirit of the hyperactive Fours group reborn, and one called Actonians 4th XI, strictly for business (i.e. matchday) purposes. It served as a neat metaphor for our aim this season: we would look fondly on the rumourmongering, unsubstantiated hot takes and weapons-grade grot that has got us to this point, but we would also have one eye on the goal throughout. And time and again this season, we have pointed to moments taking place around us – involving our own team, other sides in the club, the England Test side, Raj Patadia – and tapped the sign that says ‘Vibes’. But what does this mean? Is it indefinable by its nature? And why was last Saturday absolutely peak, peak vibes?

For me, vibes are about seeing the small in the big and the big in the small. Vibes are when the grand scope does not overwhelm the tiny moment, and the briefest events build towards the big picture. It’s Bazball, it’s memes, it’s the sun in your eyes with a pint in your hand. And Saturday was end-to-end vibes. Let me explain.

It was a poor week for availability, but that didn’t stop Ali winning the toss (vibes) and Laksh Patel gliding down the hill to open up against Old Isleworthians. His seven-over spell was pure vibes: tight from the start, his economy rate was the lowest of our six bowlers on the day. The control he exhibited belied his age and the unusually robust surface, and he forced a run-out with about 40 on the board. Raj, for so long a teen left-arm seamer like Laksh, took over at the far end with his drifting left-arm spin, occupying the spot so long beloved of Asad Hussain of this season’s 1s. One generation handing over to the next? Vibes. Raj snared batters 1 and 3 for modest scores, and even though their no4 biffed us about a little, Hitesh’s safe hands at backward point for three catches ensured that their middle order didn’t get away from us. Laksh was in the action once again when Rakesh came on at the bottom end, taking a steepling catch off a Lord Whear-approved half tracker (uncritical support from peers of the realm = vibes). Rakesh proved once again that it doesn’t matter if you’ve got arms like a T Rex as long as they’re golden with a castling so short-pitched I’m pretty sure it bounced on the Piccadilly line, finishing with three wickets. From there, I occupied the Bog Roll position (mopping up the tail), with a slap to mid-off and a turning long-hop enough to dismiss them for 181 off 38ish overs.

The clouds had started looming in the last couple of overs, so everyone put in a shift to get the covers on during the tea break (can’t spell ‘impervious barriers’ without V-I-B-E-S). It was just as well that we did, because the downpour left the outfield wetter than [REDACTED FOR VIBES PURPOSES] a dolphin’s duvet. Fortunately, play could resume with only five overs lost for rain, giving us all more time to enjoy the lovely tea that Chloe had prepared for us in spite of Nathan getting called up to the Threes.

Despite Jonesy getting all hot under the collar and slashing at a wide one early on, the run chase got off to a serene start. Robbo, clearly granted extra time on the swings and a modest

serving of turkey dinosaurs on Friday by Kathy, knocked the ball about until Dave Whear branded him ‘not much of a puller’, at which point Robbo pulled some poor sap into the hedge beneath the flats. At the other end, Hitesh played with all the freedom that the Associated Workers’ Union of Hitesh’s Leg Muscles (Ultra-Militant Branch) would permit, but he kept eking out runs. Robbo got bowled after his 50 and H nicked one behind for 25, leaving us about 45 short of our revised total of 161 with Shrodders and your correspondent in. Shrodney came and went, but that just left more room for Charlie ‘Jumbo Spuds’ Soden to spank their wily spinner to the fence repeatedly and fearlessly, bringing the run rate down to a trivial level. Respecting the occasion? Never heard of it. Vibes. Fair play to Isleworthians for bringing on to bowl the two lads of theirs who’d shown up in black trackies, with Charlie trying one hoick too many to grant one of them his first league wicket (other teams can have vibes too, as a treat). Having nudged and nurdled my way to 20, we suddenly needed three to win. It was left to Rakesh to plant his left foot somewhere on the hockey pitch, thrust his throbbing crotch in the direction of the sightscreen, clart the ball to the backward-square-leg fence and raise his arms in celebration as the Fours streamed onto the field. We had done it.

The events back at the bar are, thank God, lost to history, but if they weren’t, they might include beer slip-n-slides, a giant Domino’s order and some of the worst singing this side of Popes Lane. We woke up on Sunday groggy, elated, and ready to do it all again this Saturday. Up the Vibes XI. We are champions.

Old Isleworthians IV Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
2nb 26w 5b 2lb 
for 10 wickets
181 (38.1 overs)
Atul Sathe ct  H Patel b R Patadia 17 58 1 29.31
Parmod Kumar run out  (W Yates) 19 29 2 65.52
Syam Sanjayan lbw  R Patadia 13 20 1 65.00
Abhay Shetty lbw  R Prasher 63 63 7 3 100
Shafqat Akmal ct  H Patel b W Yates 0 2 0
Romin Sutar ct  L Patel b R Prasher 17 22 1 77.27
Satnam Chauhan ct  H Patel b W Yates 13 25 2 52.00
Faizal Mohammed b  R Prasher 1 8 12.50
Gurnoor Malhotra ct  R Prasher b W Yates 1 2 50.0
Bhavmin Nitu b  W Yates 2 4 50.0
Surya Kumar Not Out  0 1 0

Actonians Cricket Club 4th XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Laksh Patel7.021700.002.43
Charlie Soden3.002800.009.33
Raj Patadia11.0057228.505.18
David Whear4.001000.002.50
Will Yates8.3042410.504.94
Rakesh Prasher5.012036.674.00

Actonians Cricket Club 4th XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
11nb 15w 9b 4lb 
for 5 wickets
Matt Robinson b  P Kumar 52 100 6 52.00
Andrew Jones ct  A Shetty b S Kumar 6 15 40.0
Hitesh Patel ct  A Shetty b P Kumar 25 54 3 46.30 3
Will Yates Not Out  20 40 50.0 1
Samuel Rodriguez lbw  F Mohammed 0 4 0
Charlie Soden b  B Nitu 16 14 2 114.29
Rakesh Prasher Not Out  4 1 1 400 1
David Whear  
Raj Patadia  
Laksh Patel   1
Laksh Patel  

Old Isleworthians IV Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Shafqat Akmal6.011700.002.83
Surya Kumar5.0033133.006.60
Faizal Mohammed8.0225125.003.12
Syam Sanjayan7.011900.002.71
Satnam Chauhan3.001900.006.33
Parmod Kumar5.0026213.005.20
Bhavmin Nitu1.10818.006.86
Atul Sathe1.00200.002.00